Statement: I have off for a week next week.

My aunt lives in a big house in South Africa. I found a ticket for $1300 (which I can afford, though it's a lot, and by the way, the economy is going out of business).

6 days, tons of flying, insanity, Great White Sharks and lions. Should I do it or what?

Not sure when I can go again.

(BTW, i'm good on all my immunizations)

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Counsel: GO!

Statement: Tomorrow there's a charity event at my office.

It's a festival/fundraiser for a charity that my boss is really into.

They raise a ton of money, and there will be hundreds - if not thousands - of people there.

So we are all being 'offered' tickets to this festival for the 'discounted' price of $200.

Should I go?

I mean, the economy is awful. I need to save my money. I don't want to to pay $200. I could use that money, though it won't break my bank account or anything. But I won't have fun, and I don't want to spend the money.

I'm not sure whether anyone will notice if I am there or not.

Should I go, just to be safe?

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Counsel: Don't go

Plaintiff Argument : Why does the crowd at a golf tournament have to be quiet?

And don’t tell me it’s respect for the athlete’s concentration. Ever see the gamemaking freethrow in an NBA final, or the last pitch in the World Series? The crowd goes so apeshit you can’t even hear the TV announcers. Same with football, where the fans are even referred to as “the 12th man.” If you think a golfer trying to make a 3 foot putt in the Masters needs more concentration than a guy facing a 95 mph fastball with two outs, two strikes and the world series on the line, then you need a new brain.

Pro golfers get paid big bucks to do what they do. They should be able to block out distractions like any other highly-paid athletes. Golf must allow hecklers and jeering.

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Judgment: for plaintiff

Statement: I live in an apartment building with a common laundry room.

I went to do laundry today, and someone's laundry was just sitting in the machine. So I left and came back. Still there. Left again. Came back and still there. Eventually I took it out and put it on the table. And a woman came in and started yelling at me for taking out her stuff. She told me I need to have patience.

When is it OK to take out someone's laundry?

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Counsel: 20 minute

Plaintiff Argument : I have a running bet with a friend.

Here’s the gist of our argument: Imagine you’re in some crappy roadhouse/dive bar or at a bad wedding and some cover band is on stage, totally sucking. Which of these two songs are they more likely to play: Mustang Sally, or Brown Eyed Girl?

I say Mustang Sally. Every bad band covers Mustang Sally.

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Judgment: for plaintiff

Statement: My friend writes this kind of sentence a lot: 'I feel badly.'

Thing is, that's wrong. If you feel, say, guilty, you say 'I feel bad.' It's not an adverb in that context. Saying you 'feel badly' means your ability to physical feel things isn't working.

She says she's really into grammar, too.

Should I correct her? Or is that impolite?

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Counsel: Tell her

Statement: I recently received a fundraising letter from Childrens Hospital in Los Angeles, asking for money to help children with cancer. The letter contained one nickel in it which left me an awkward position. I can keep the nickel (i.e. take money from children with cancer) and do nothing. Or I can write them a check to assuage my guilt for keeping the nickel.

I donate a good percentage of my income every year to various charities of my choice, and although this is a great cause, it's not among the non-profits I normally give to. Also, I've already paid my donations for this year and my income has fallen dramatically since, so I really can't afford to do much more. What should I do?

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Counsel: Do nothing, keep nickel

Statement: So last night a coworker and I went to get beers.

He told me that his brother is in the FBI.

This morning at work I blurted it out to our coworkers, in this way 'Hey, did you guys know that Larry's* brother is in the FBI?'

Then I immediately realized that they probably didn't want that to be massive public knowledge. He didn't say not to say anything, but whatever, I'm a moron.

So you know, now I feel awful.

Can I fix this?

*fake name

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Counsel: Who cares. He told you.

Plaintiff Argument : I'm a pretty OK athlete - I'm 28, I run, I work out, I lift - but I don't watch sports. I like sports and like watching them, but I don't have time to do it. I'm busy with work, starting another business, writing, and - ahem - a social life.

Oh, and girls like it that I don't spend all my time watching sports.

But, unlike what some of my best friends tell me, I don't think that makes me 'not a man.'

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Judgment: for plaintiff

Plaintiff Argument : I’m telling you, a grizzly bear is so much tougher than a lion. It weighs like twice as much and can just swipe the head off anything. Its skin is totally impenetrable and its’ claws are bigger than anything else. I know they see cute, but grizzlies are absolutely devastating.

They’re fast too.

By the way, they've actually done this. Back in California during the Gold Rush, they'd bring in lions and put them in pits with bears. Anyway, it wasn't good for the lion.

Apparently the lion would lunge at the bear, who would take a quick swipe with it's hand and kill the lion instantly.





See Exhibit A. It's in Spanish, but the rough translation is 'Bear beats lion.'

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Judgment: for plaintiff

Statement: The market is down like 7% in the past three days - one of three worst three-day drops in history.

Warren Buffett says that 'When everyone is greedy, you have to be fearful. When everyone is fearful, you have to be greedy.' Or something more or less like that.

So is now a time to back up the truck and get some sweet deals on some awesome blue chip stocks?

GE is a steal right now!!!

Anyone?

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Counsel: YES! Buy, buy, buy!

Statement: I was working at home today and at 3:30 PM a woman knocks on my door and says she's been locked out of her apartment. She asked if i could email the landlord, so I did and the landlord told me she'd be back a 7 PM to let her in, so I went downstairs and told the woman. Since the woman was on the 2nd floor I offered to climb up, cut her screen door and open it to let her in. It was a hairy climb, but doable from top of the dumpster in back. She was afraid of damaging the screen door and decided to wait 4 hours in the hall for the landlord instead, and thanked me for offering. Actually, she hugged me, which was awkward.

I feel like I did a lot to help her, but my question is, should I have invited her in to my apartment to wait? She talks a LOT, and i really didn't want to do that because I was working, but felt bad for leaving her to sit in the hall for 4 hours. What say you?

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Counsel: No way. You did enough.

Statement: Is it okay to clue people in with whom you work at a new job that 8+ hours of their day is spent in activities much like that seen on the show "The Office"?

Is that problematic? To point out the discontent that people SHOULD have with their jobs?

Or should I just stay quiet and let people not notice?

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Counsel: Keep it to yourself -- they seem

Plaintiff Argument : My sister is a SUPER good mom to her two kids, and her husband is a SUPER good dad. They kids are both young (like 4 & 2). Anyway, she and her family might have to move away from our hometown (and, of course, grandparents and aunts and uncles) this year for grad school for a few years.

She feels guilty about maybe having to move. I think that's silly. You gotta balance your life goals (which will ultimately benefit her children) with your children's getting to around their grandparents every day.

It's not like they're moving to the slums of Rio or anything. it's just a new place, with new experiences, and it's fine. It's only temporary.

This is not their family.

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Judgment: for plaintiff

Plaintiff Argument : I can't believe that Animal Review gave bats a C+. This makes no sense.

You should get a B at least for being able to fly, right?

And they have SONAR!!

I mean, this makes no sense.

Check out this ludicrous review

http://animalreview.wordpress.com

Do it for these little guys.

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Judgment: for plaintiff

Statement: I got up this morning around 9, went back to sleep, got up at 10:30, went to the post office to mail something, and then came home and slept for 2 hours.

I don't think I have mono, but boy am I being lazy these days. My friend told me that I should just sleep if I'm tired (I'm not known for being too lazy, I don't think), but this isn't good, is it?

Am I lazy? I'm starting to worry that I am. Or perhaps I'm just hiding from things that need doing by sleeping a lot.

Am I a lazy mess?

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Counsel: Eh, you're OK.

Statement: What do you do when you are at the playground and ALL of the little boys around are playing with toy guns? Do you let your kids play with the guns, too? Doesn't that kinda' foster a notion of playing with inherently destructive weapons in the name of fun? Couldn't you get your kids a book or a football or something instead? Or do you think that this is like the forbidden fruit -- you can't have it, so you only want it more. Even in kindergarten.

What do you say? There should be one of these sites with non-weird parents commenting/ruling on parental issues. I am going to use this site! This seems like a great idea. Comment and judge away, all ye' parents and non-parents!

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Counsel: Just let them Play with the Guns

Statement: I’m 29, I’m pretty successful, and I have a good job. I have some money saved up, and I’ve done everything right thus far in my life. But what I’ve always wanted to do is learn Russian, and I found a program to do it in Moscow. I can afford it, and I’ll be there for 4 months. I’m single and I don’t own a house. The only drawback is that I’m promotion track and work, and if I tough it another year or so I’ll probably be a VP and be making $300k a year, which is pretty sweet money, I know. But I’m just kind of burned out and sick of things at work, and I want to travel and learn a language and figure out what the hell it is I’m supposed to be doing with myself. I’m so burned out that the thought of going back to work tomorrow makes me sick to my stomach.

I don’t know, maybe I’m just a wuss. My dad hated his job for 27 years and raised 5 kids. It worked for him. Now I’m making 4 times what he ever made and I’m miserable. I should be ashamed of myself.

Anyone?

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Counsel: Go to Moscow, find your bliss

Statement: Holy cow do i have an awkward problem.

Where to begin...my coworkers all know this woman, whom we'll call Laura. She used to date one of our buddies, and according to him, she's nuts. She's also nuts according to pretty much everyone else who has dealt with her.

So a little over a month ago I bumped into her at an event after not seeing her for two years or so. She had lost a TON of weight; the problem is that she was skinny before. Now she looked a little terrifying. She also had some new job that I didn't quite grasp. She told me we should talk about a business thing (sorry I'm being vague), and I just kind of politely agreed. That night she started texting me (she already had my number) and proceeded to text me a lot, randomly, including one text at 4 in the morning about someone being killed on an amusement park ride (???). I responded to some of them and was just generally polite. I didn't hit on her or ask her out.

So somehow I made the mistake of telling my coworkers at about this, knowing they'd think it was funny. They loved it. And then last night...everything fell apart.

After a birthday party, three of us and our boss (who is a big deal) went to a restaurant to get food. We walked in and saw this dude we know (we'll say his name is Larry). When I sat down, my boss says 'Did you see Laura?' And I looked around and didn't see her. Well, apparently she was with Larry. I didn't notice that and couldn't see her. So I just said 'No,' looked around, freaked out, and thought she wasn't nearby and proceeded to tell some more of the texting stories.

My boss paid for Larry and Laura's meal, so they came over to say thanks. (Turns out my boss paid for the meal just to get them to come over and make me uncomfortable, but whatever)

So I'm not sure what happened then. I found myself introducing myself to her again, in front of everyone, because it seemed like she was introducing herself to me/didn't recognize me. Or that's what I felt. My buddy felt the same. I kind of was wondering if she was a date and wanted me to be cool about the texting, or maybe she's just nuts and didn't recognize me, or she was drunk (I was a little drunk at this point too), or what was going on.

She and Larry wouldn't leave, even when there were several clear moments when they should have. They kept talking. She asked about my ravioli. My buddy goes 'He'll text you about it later.' Nothing. Then when it was really really clear that they should go, my buddy turns to me and goes 'Now why don't you walk Laura to her car?' I froze. I turned beat red. Sweat ripped through the back of my shirt. She very angrily blurts out 'Because I have a date.' And then they left. And I put my head in my hands.

Now that I think about it, I wonder if maybe she thought I didn't recognize HER and that's why she introduced herself. Maybe I'm just looking for excuses for her. Again, she's apparently very weird. But man did i feel bad for her there. I felt like that was a really mean thing to do. I don't know what to do. I hate it when I cause people / am involved in making people feel bad.

Plus, she might have now figured out that I was gossiping about her.

What do I do?

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Counsel: Hide and avoid her